The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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