can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
