i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
