cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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