My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
