Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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