I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
