Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
