so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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