i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
