MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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