My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
