Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
