whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
