i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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