My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
