I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
