so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I need help removing her.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
