If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
