Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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