Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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