what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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