Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
