I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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