That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
