OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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