I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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