he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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