I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
