He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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