call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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