How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
