Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
