Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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