I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
