so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
