just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
