making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
