I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
