i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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