I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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