i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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