There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
