So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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