wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Sext me about skeletons
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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