eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
