It's like God shit irony all over that family
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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