i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
