Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
