Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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