I met the friendliest cop last night
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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