Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
