Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
