You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
