ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
