i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
