Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
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Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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