The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
