Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We don't watch enough power rangers
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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