Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
