The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
